Anniversary Weekend in Porto
(or an overly personal reflection on our relationship)
This April, Brad and I celebrate our eighth anniversary.
On the one hand, it's hard to believe that we have already spent so many years together, but on the other hand, I have a pretty hard time remembering what life was like pre-Brad, and an even harder time imagining what life would be like without him. One thing that I think is crucial for us both to keep in mind though, is that even after being together for eight years, the choice to be together is, well, exactly that, a choice--and not a default. This idea of both making long-term commitments to one another (like our 2017 marriage plans), and also mindful decision-making didn't come to us immaculately. In 2010, there was a specific moment when we were inspired to look at our relationship in a new way.
In our last years at Middlebury (respectively), Brad and I were both lucky enough to have classes with John Elder. I say lucky enough, because just before Brad graduated, John retired from teaching after a long career. Like many a Middlebury student before us, we found ourselves in awe of the thoughtfulness, insightfulness and care with which he took on the subjects he taught and the students he engaged with. There are many things that Brad and I both took away from his classes; more than content to memorise, John helped his students to reconsider their way of being, seeing and interacting with one's surroundings and one another. As much a master listener and observer as he is a master speaker, the lessons learned through interacting with John are the kind that come to you gently at first and then seep in over time. However, beyond his meditations on ecotones and the natural world, one of his reflections that makes a consistent reappearance for the two of us was a comment that the made about his relationship with his wife, Rita. He said that he and his wife sign a one-year contract every year. Yes, they are married, but more important than the legal status, they annually and mindfully make the decision to stay together for another year, thus guaranteeing that they are not together by default or because that is how it has been since they can remember, but rather because they decide that they want to be together for another year.
 |
| Afternoon tasting at Taylor's |
Whether or not there is a real paper contract, and whether or not John and Rita actually do this every year is relatively immaterial. The takeaway for us is not that we should have an annual signing ceremony. Instead, in hearing and internalising the experience of John and his wife, we have chosen to approach our relationship not as inevitable, but as purposeful. And this year, we made that purposeful choice to enter into our 9th year together and kick off an entirely new set of exciting and intimidating new projects in a totally new and exciting setting (thanks to a wonderful surprise from Brad):
Porto, Portugal. So, here for your viewing pleasure, and a change-up from our usual blog content, a few photos from an amazing weekend of visiting wine cellars, promenading, eating pastries and repeating.
 |
| Pastel Nata: Brad's new favorite |
 |
| Cellar tour at Ferreira |
 |
| See the resemblance between the Ponte Louis I and the Eiffel Tower? |
 |
| Looking east down the Duoro from the Ponte Louis I |
 |
| Traditional boats for transporting Porto to Porto for ageing. |
This April, Brad and I celebrate our eighth anniversary. On the one hand, it's hard to believe that we have already spent so many years together, but on the other hand, I have a pretty hard time remembering what life was like pre-Brad, and an even harder time imagining what life would be like without him. One thing that I think is crucial for us both to keep in mind though, is that even after being together for eight years, the choice to be together is, well, exactly that, a choice--and not a default. This idea of both making long-term commitments to one another (like our 2017 marriage plans), and also mindful decision-making didn't come to us immaculately. In 2010, there was a specific moment when we were inspired to look at our relationship in a new way. 
In our last years at Middlebury (respectively), Brad and I were both lucky enough to have classes with John Elder. I say lucky enough, because just before Brad graduated, John retired from teaching after a long career. Like many a Middlebury student before us, we found ourselves in awe of the thoughtfulness, insightfulness and care with which he took on the subjects he taught and the students he engaged with. There are many things that Brad and I both took away from his classes; more than content to memorise, John helped his students to reconsider their way of being, seeing and interacting with one's surroundings and one another. As much a master listener and observer as he is a master speaker, the lessons learned through interacting with John are the kind that come to you gently at first and then seep in over time. However, beyond his meditations on ecotones and the natural world, one of his reflections that makes a consistent reappearance for the two of us was a comment that the made about his relationship with his wife, Rita. He said that he and his wife sign a one-year contract every year. Yes, they are married, but more important than the legal status, they annually and mindfully make the decision to stay together for another year, thus guaranteeing that they are not together by default or because that is how it has been since they can remember, but rather because they decide that they want to be together for another year. 
Cheers!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete